I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
