I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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