WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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