I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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