i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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