dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
