I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
