I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
farters have to be the big spoon...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
