Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
