im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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