found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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