Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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