i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
