I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Tell her she can't have a vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
