Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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