we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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