i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
