I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
