just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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