I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
