Say something about gay babies.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this just has baby written all over it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
