There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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