he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Are we still banned from the library?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
