pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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