another moral hangover. fuck.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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