why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
