when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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