so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
