I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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