Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
