What did we do last night that was yellow?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
