What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
