How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
