Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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