I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
