Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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