I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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