Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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