I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
