just tell him i said nine months
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
