The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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