If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
