His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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