No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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