Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just google imaged poop.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
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I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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