Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
