He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
