Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And then he peed in my hair
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