JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
