I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
