Sponge bath it is.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
