you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
