i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
