Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
