so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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