Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
