i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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