she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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