he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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