God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
