Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
