The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
