i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
