Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
