I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
