I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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