I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
