I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
